I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
