I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
