She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
