Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
