Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
