I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
