So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
