apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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