when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
