I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
