What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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