i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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