My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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