Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
