His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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