I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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