4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
