dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
