Betty ford says i'm here all night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
