Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
