Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am available for nakedness
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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