I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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