Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
