ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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