I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
