i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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