Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
