I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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