Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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