I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
