So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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