I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
