I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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