Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
