You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
