Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
are you so shy because you have an std?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
