meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I smell stomach acid.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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