I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
