Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
