He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
