the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
