shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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