No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
