Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
