Soap is not a condiment
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
