Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
