if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my liver is dry heaving
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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