I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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