I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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