y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
