if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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